A History Lesson for the Ages
A friend of mine, and fellow author, is working on a book whose heroine is a real historical figure. I was blown away by the rich color of the story…not to mention how believable it read in spite of the book being a paranormal. The heroine had been so alive—perhaps because at one point in history she really had been.
Of course I realize my friend took creative license with the character but it started the ‘ol thought process flowing. What historical figure would I love to find myself changing the landscape of time and scandalizing academia with? What dashing man of mystery or royalty or infamy would I want to whisk me off my feet in a torrid tsunami of love? What dominant, confident man of strength and command would I love to get a little freaky-deaky with? Well, besides the obvious nominees like King Arthur, Merlin, Denzil Washington—he is an historical figure in some circles!—a few candidates came to mind…
Sooo, I bet you thought this was going to be a blog about which historical men would make wonderful, sexy, brooding heroes…and in all honesty, it was meant to be. But then I text my twin sister—the history teacher who had been downing Nyquil all day—about who she thought should top the list and…well…here’s the conversation…
Nina: What about Jaguar Paw?
Me: I hate u.
Nina: Emperor Chen?
Me: *fist bump ala Friends*
Nina: I didn’t watch Friends like that. What’s that mean?
Me: *$&#^@#$ !
Nina: That’s not nice. I’m trying to help u! Bruce Lee?
Me: Aha. You might actually have something there oh 8-eyed one.
Nina: What about the Dali Lama?
Me: Go take some more Nyquil. It’s safe, I promise…
Nina: Black Beard.
Me: Bad teeth.
Nina. Henry the VII?
Me: How did u know I found him sexy???
Nina: Something’s wrong with u…
Me: It’s the company I was born with.
Nina: Ivan the Terrible? I think he gotta bad rep because of that whole impalement thing…what about the Count of Monte Cristo?
Me: Yeah and the whole murder anyone who disagreed with him thing…and the Count of Monte Cristo wasn’t real!!
Nina: Yeah…and then there’s him killing his son…BUT all that didn’t start until his wife died. I mean ur a writer put a spin on it!
Me: I can’t put a spin on insanity.
Nina: John Lennon? Attila the Hun?
Me: John Lennon was a freak and Attila isn’t a sexy name.
Nina: He was not! How u gonna speak about the man like dat? And what about ‘ol Alex (Alexander the Great). He was a double dipper! And Solomon (King Solomon) ain’t no sexy name either! Reminds me of Geico!
Me: I think Solomon is very distinguished *sniff* Song of Solomon, yo? And John was freaky, admit it. Who knew what him and Yoko did while high and naked??
Nina: U hit a nerve, yo! You are a blasphemer! What about Mahatma Ghandi?
Me: I hate u. Now who’s the blasphemer! Besides he didn’t believe in personal wealth. Nora Roberts couldn’t sell him!
Nina: Why u trying to be like Nora Roberts?
Me: I’m just saying ain’t nobody going to believe in the romantic side of a man who don’t have two dinero to rub together. I mean where would we meet for dinner? His mat?
Nina: No dinner but “hubba hubba” *eyebrows going up and down*
Me: On a thin mat? I’d be too worried about my booty being bitten by something…
Nina: If he’s doing it rite u won’t even be worried about that. *eyebrows again*
Me: Good nite, Nina. More Nyquil and remember…a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down. Medicine go down…Medicine go down in the most delightful way…*hum*
Nina: Oh well…goodnite…
Never did determine who my heroes were…
Naima Simone, a new author with Ellora’s Cave Publishing and Breathless Press, is a member of RWA’s Southern Magic chapter, mother of Thing 1 and Thing 2, a lover of everything Vin Diesel and the husband who tolerates this affair. Come visit Naima at http://naimasimone.com and http://naughtyauthorchicks.blogspot.com !