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Monday, January 31, 2011


A History Lesson for the Ages

A friend of mine, and fellow author, is working on a book whose heroine is a real historical figure. I was blown away by the rich color of the story…not to mention how believable it read in spite of the book being a paranormal. The heroine had been so alive—perhaps because at one point in history she really had been.
Of course I realize my friend took creative license with the character but it started the ‘ol thought process flowing. What historical figure would I love to find myself changing the landscape of time and scandalizing academia with? What dashing man of mystery or royalty or infamy would I want to whisk me off my feet in a torrid tsunami of love? What dominant, confident man of strength and command would I love to get a little freaky-deaky with? Well, besides the obvious nominees like King Arthur, Merlin, Denzil Washington—he is an historical figure in some circles!—a few candidates came to mind… 

Sooo, I bet you thought this was going to be a blog about which historical men would make wonderful, sexy, brooding heroes…and in all honesty, it was meant to be. But then I text my twin sister—the  history teacher who had been downing Nyquil all day—about who she thought should top the list and…well…here’s the conversation…

Nina: What about Jaguar Paw?
 Me: I hate u.
 Nina: Emperor Chen?
Me: *fist bump ala Friends*
Nina: I didn’t watch Friends like that. What’s that mean?
Me: *$&#^@#$ !
Nina: That’s not nice. I’m trying to help u! Bruce Lee?
Me: Aha. You might actually have something there oh 8-eyed one.
Nina: What about the Dali Lama?
Me: Go take some more Nyquil. It’s safe, I promise…
Nina: Black Beard.
Me: Bad teeth.
Nina. Henry the VII?
Me: How did u know I found him sexy???
Nina: Something’s wrong with u…
Me: It’s the company I was born with.
Nina: Ivan the Terrible? I think he gotta bad rep because of that whole impalement thing…what about the Count of Monte Cristo?
Me: Yeah and the whole murder anyone who disagreed with him thing…and the Count of Monte Cristo wasn’t real!!
Nina: Yeah…and then there’s him killing his son…BUT all that didn’t start until his wife died. I mean ur a writer put a spin on it!
Me: I can’t put a spin on insanity.
Nina: John Lennon? Attila the Hun?
Me: John Lennon was a freak and Attila isn’t a sexy name.
Nina: He was not! How u gonna speak about the man like dat? And what about ‘ol Alex (Alexander the Great). He was a double dipper! And Solomon (King Solomon) ain’t no sexy name either! Reminds me of Geico!
Me: I think Solomon is very distinguished *sniff* Song of Solomon, yo? And John was freaky, admit it. Who knew what him and Yoko did while high and naked??
Nina: U hit a nerve, yo! You are a blasphemer! What about Mahatma Ghandi?
Me: I hate u. Now who’s the blasphemer! Besides he didn’t believe in personal wealth. Nora Roberts couldn’t sell him!
Nina: Why u trying to be like Nora Roberts?
Me: I’m just saying ain’t nobody going to believe in the romantic side of a man who don’t have two dinero to rub together. I mean where would we meet for dinner? His mat?
Nina: No dinner but “hubba hubba” *eyebrows going up and down*
Me: On a thin mat? I’d be too worried about my booty being bitten by something…
Nina: If he’s doing it rite u won’t even be worried about that. *eyebrows again*
Me: Good nite, Nina. More Nyquil and remember…a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down. Medicine go down…Medicine go down in the most delightful way…*hum*
Nina: Oh well…goodnite…

Never did determine who my heroes were…

Naima Simone, a new author with Ellora’s Cave Publishing and Breathless Press, is a member of RWA’s Southern Magic chapter, mother of Thing 1 and Thing 2, a lover of everything Vin Diesel and the husband who tolerates this affair. Come visit Naima at and !


Jessica Lee said...

I'm calling the men with the straight jackets for you and Nina, girl. LOL You two are certifiable. hehe

Naima Simone said...

Be very afraid! She's teaching your children! LOL! Thanks for stopping by, Jessica!

Debra Glass said...

LOL!!! I wonder who that author friend might be?! I need to finish that book, too. :-)

I've used historical figures in several of my books - Thomas Benton Smith in Gatekeeper, (he also makes cameo appearances in Rebel Rose and Shadowkeeper) Stede Bonnet, the gentleman pirate, in Watchkeeper. (I fell in love with him!) And btw, Blackbeard was the villain in that one and yes, he had some dag nasty teeth. I made good use of Lord Byron in Lucid.

Suggestions for you: Lord Robert Dudley, a young Franz Lizst, Grigory Potemkin, Joan of Arc

Nina Pierce said...

Only sisters can have a conversation like that. LOL!

Naima Simone said...

LOL! I promise not to divulge names...but her initials are Debra Glass...LOL! I am waiting impatiently for that book too! Gatekeeper is one of my favorite books by you and Thomas Benton Smith was a hottie!! *lascivious grin* And thank you for the suggestions, Debra! Hmm...I shoulda called you...LOL

Naima Simone said...

Yeah, Nina, you're so right! LOL! And it helps if she's been downing medication all day...But I mean, who else can you tell *@$&#!! to and they don't get offended? Only a can't tell from this particular conversation but I really do like her...some what...kinda sorta...hee hee!

Debra Glass said...

Here's another one for ya - Ramses. Now, there's a name with possibility.

Naima Simone said...

This from the woman who made "Badcock" a household name! I'm afraid to ask what the possibilities are! LOL!!

Author Mary C said...

Wow, I've been overlooking the creative power of Nyquil. Lol. Sisterly collaborations are interesting. Thanks for the peak inside, Naima. :)

Naima said...

Hi, Mary!
Heck yeah! I probably need to break Nyquil off a piece of my royalties! LOL! I've come up with some pretty inventive stuff while down with a cold. Now did it make much sense? Um...not so much! Exhibit A: the above blog! *snicker*