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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

GUEST BLOG: SHIELA STEWART

When good technology goes bad


Computers, we can’t live without them. We use them to scroll the internet for research, for school, for emailing, instant chat and so much more. We live in a technological age of computers, eReaders, cell phones GPS and so forth, but what do we do when technology screws up? We can call technicians to fix our computers if they breakdown, or get attacked by a virus. When our cell phones don’t work, we have them serviced or replace them with a better, newer model. But what do you do when the electronics decide they know better than you? No I’m not talking I Robot or anything like that…yet. No, I’m talking about autocorrect. Yah, I see you nodding your head…metaphorically speaking because I can’t really see…never mind. There is nothing more frustrating and sometimes embarrassing than autocorrecting your words. As a writer, I know how much this frustrates me. I type in a sentence and it will replace a word with another one. Now I’ve learned how to turn off the autocorrect, but before I did, I had some messed up sentences.

Another example is blogging. The tags are a real pain in the butt and I hope someone can tell me how to turn the darn thing off so every word I try to type in doesn’t change to one that was previously used. For instance, I type the word ‘Love’ and it replaces it with, ‘Love thy Neighbor’ WTF? No, I just want ‘Love’ yet it keeps adding the rest to it. Frustrates the hell out of me. Sometimes when I’m in a hurry I don’t check before hitting publish. Then I’ll check out the blog post, make sure everything is aligned and easy to read and at the bottom of the page the tags are all messed up. And we all know how important tags are. You don’t want to write an inspirational biography and have ‘Intercourse’ replaced with ‘Inspirational’. Not good.

And then we come to cell phones. Oh how we love them. We text, we call, we can check our emails, Facebook and twitter all on our cell phones now. What did we ever do without them? Yet they too can mess with our minds. Ever send a text message or email and have the person reply with a ‘WTF’ and you have no idea why they are upset. So you go back and look at what you sent and wham! Now you get the WTF statement. Instead of writing, “I could go for a nice juicy Dill pickle right now.” It writes, “I could go for a nice juicy dildo with now.” That is something you do not want to send to your grandmother. Damn that autocorrect! But what are we to do? We rely so much on technology to do the spelling for us that we have almost forgotten how to spell for ourselves. Maybe eventually, they will have it worked out so we don’t all look like complete fools, but until then, let’s have a laugh at some interesting autocorrect failures and remember, this could be you so check your spelling carefully. :-)

Jim: “Be warned: I’m dumping you when I get home”
Jenna. “Fine with me. I was just thinking we could use some time apart.”
Jim: “WTF JENNA??? I got autocorrected. I meant to write jumping you not dumping you and now you’re telling me you want to break up?”
Jenna: “Well, this is awkward.”

NEXT:
Lori: “Tell me how you met him?”
Mary: “Well we met at a party in December. We were a bit tipsy…and he kissed me under some cameltoe.”
Lori: “Well I guess you would need to be tipsy to kiss under the camel toe.”
Mary: “MISTLETOE! MISTELTOW! We kissed under the freaking mistletoe. LOL”

NEXT
Sara: “I’m going to six flags tomorrow! Can’t wait!!!”
Tina: “Jealous! Make sure you ride the anal buster! It’s so much fun.”
Sara: “Ewe! Lol. Thanks but no thanks!”
Tina: “Canyon blaster…lol whops.”
Sara: “Definitely not taking my 5 year old on an anal buster any time soon.!!!”

NEXT
Amy: “Hey sweet man…Goodmorning!”
Don: “Good mornin figwort.” “OMFG LMAO” “Gorgeous.”
Amy: “Wow. LMAO”
“Don: “Well wasn't hat just awesome.” “That”

NEXT
Lila: “OK, I’m on my way home.”
Tim: “K on patio yanking.” “Tanning. I meant tanning.”
Lila: “Yanking jahahaha.” “Yankin It a bit.”

NEXT
Joe: “When is the next presidential erection?” “ELECTION! OMG!!
Ray: “Hahahahaha.”

NEXT
Gary: “For x-men?”
Brad: “X men will be at 12 01 btw r u at school?”
Gary: “Yep.”
Brad: “Yeah, at AMC right?”
Gary: “Yup”
Brad: “Alright cool, I’ll spread the herpes.” “WTF my my stupid autocorrect the word, the word.”

Check out Shiela’s latest release, Awaken the Demon.
Available at www.decadentpublishing.com

Abused for years by a sadistic fiancé, Missy Green has finally had enough. Running away is her only recourse. Wanting a new life, she takes refuge with a group known as the Stargazers. Taken in by the illustrious Draco Starr, Missy is elated to finally find peace. Yet, something doesn’t seem right about her host.

Born in the pits of hell, Draco Starr was once a fearsome Demon. For centuries, he collected soul s for Satan. Having done his time, Draco sets out to start a new life. Even with more wealth and prestige than anyone could ever want, something is missing in his life.

Love.

Missy is about to have her world turned upside down. Discovering Draco is a demon is terrifying enough, but finding out she too is a demon is more than she can handle.

Can Missy deal with her new life, and the affection she is beginning to feel for Draco, or will her past come back to haunt her?

Raised on a rural farm in Saskatchewan, Shiela Stewart relied on her vivid imagination to fill her days.
Never did she realize that her need to tell a story would someday lead to becoming a published romance author. In the fall of 2006, Shiela published her very first book and hasn’t stopped since.

When not writing, Shiela spends time with the love of her life, William, and their three children. She has a strong affection for animals which is evident in the five cats, one dog, three turtles and ten fish she owns. Some of her passions aside from writing are drawing and painting and proudly displays her artwork in murals in her home. Her favorite time of day is sunset and loves to stargaze.

Shiela’s website: www.shielasbooks.ca

5 comments:

Liz said...

Nice post Sheila. My favorite moment of text autocorrect hilarity involved a conversation about a firewood delivery and had the words "hard" and "wood" and "backdoor" involved!
liz

Hales said...

I love reading the crazy autocorrect lines lol they're hilarious :) maybe not for the person sent to but... great post!

Marketing Director said...

Great post Sheila. I loved the text auto correct spot.
Marissa
Marketing Director with Breathless Press

Kelly said...

This is why I always read what I typed on my phone before I hit send.... Darn stupid smart phones...

Thanks for sharing... I really need a laugh this morning.

Kelly

Shiela Stewart said...

Thanks everyone for coming out and replying.

Liz: OMG that would have been hilarious. My mind is racing with all the possibilities.

Hales: I so agree with you. Especially when sending messages to your boss or parent. LOL

Marissa: I'm glad you enjoyed them. I always get a click out of them. :)

Kelly: Yeah, I try to read my replies before hitting send but occasionally I'm in a hurry and forget. Glad I could give you a chuckle. :)