I love writing. Really, I do. But all good things have dark side. To me, I have to feel what I’m writing or it’s just not good enough. I write most of my books from first person and even when I’m not, I still crawl inside my characters heads.
Writing happy endings and sexy scenes are easy. Some scenes, some conflicts are very painful even when necessary to reaching that final HEA. Daniel can be a tough one to write because he carries a lot of anger. It’s his shield against a world that hasn’t always treated him well. In book 4, we get a deeper insight into why he is this way. I had to take breaks when writing this following scene. I confess, it made me cry even knowing how it would turn out in the end.
Excerpt from Wolfman: Salvation.
Mace smiled slightly. “You still don’t know how to quit.” He got very pensive. “Or submit.” He got up and took my place pacing. I watched him thinking it through before reaching some conclusion. I held my breath waiting to see what he’d come up with. A way we could work through this.
Finally, he stopped. “You have to go back to the compound. You shouldn’t be here with me.”
Getting shot hurt less than those words. I stared at him for several minutes trying to process it. “What the fuck? I’m your chosen, right? Your mate you can’t live without. I can’t fucking leave.”
Mace stopped, a low frustrated growl twisting his words. “No Daniel, you aren’t my mate. At least, that’s what Slade thinks. All I know is every time I see you near RK, the way he looks at you, the care you show him, it makes me crazy. Like he’ll take you away from me. That you aren’t really mine.” Pacing again he ran a hand nervously through his hair. “I talked to Slade about it, how he mated with Doc. I don’t think I’ve done this right. And after tonight, I don’t think I can.”
“I’m still trying to figure out what the fuck you are talking about. So we’re just… engaged, but not married yet? There’s some sort of ritual or something we need to do?”
He shrugged, restless again. “Sort of. I don’t know.”
“How can you not know?” My voice hit a very unmanly shrill note.
“It’s not like being a wolfman came with a damned manual, Daniel. We’re making it up as we go, trying to find balance between our human and wolf natures.”
Well, that fucking explained a lot of things. “So you’re just winging it. Cool. We just come up with our own way of mating. How hard can that be?”
He huffed out a frustrated snarl. “I want, damn it, I need, to have you submit. Really submit while I hold you tight to me with my fangs and claws, buried to the balls in you, filling you with my cum. Damn it, I even dream about it. Always the same way… “ His tortured voice trailed off.
“You tried it tonight and I freaked.” I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
His face held the same sick realization I felt. No way could I get on my knees and let him fuck me doggy style. No fucking way. Not unless he drugged me first, but I suspected that would negate the whole submitting thing. That part wouldn’t be easy in any position and the way he wanted, impossible.
I scrubbed a hand across my face. “Ah, fuck Mace. There must be another way.”
He shook his head. “The urge to hold you down and make you accept me is getting too strong. I hurt you before and almost… “ He didn’t need to say it; the similarities had triggered my flash back. “God, Daniel, I need you to submit.”
My head swam with an echo of the panic attack I’d just had. “I can’t Mace, I can’t do it. Even forgetting the sex part for a minute. I told you I don’t do submission. I wasn’t fucking kidding.”
“I know and I know faking it isn’t working.”
“As soon as it’s safe, you need to go back to the compound.” He turned away to the door. “I don’t think I can hold back much longer. I don’t want to hurt you.”Stunned to silence, I watched him walk out the door. He was leaving me. A vice tightened around my chest again. My lungs forgot how to breathe and my heart felt like exploding. I’d lost him. Like RK, I was too broken to join the pack. I curled into a ball, aching inside and out but too numb to even cry.
Now available from from Changeling Press
- Wolfman 1: Apocalypse Captured by vicious wolfmen, I expected a quick death. Or a slow painful one. They had other ideas.
- Wolfman 2: Revelations What could be worse than getting captured by wolfmen? Try taking one home to meet mom...
- Wolfman 3: Judgement The course of true love never runs smooth. For Daniel and Mace it runs red with a river of blood...
- Wolfman 4: Salvation Living with Mace is killing me. Can't eat. Can't sleep. What could be worse? Losing Mace.
- Wolfman 5: Genesis One thing stands between Mace and I. A psycho super rabid with a small army bent on killing us all.
Wolfman Tales Series
- Blind Passion, A Wolfman Tale Two randy young wolfmen want my burrow -- and me. And they aren't planning to take no for answer!
- Blind Devotion, A Wolfman Tale Derek and Jay risked their lives to save me. Now it's my turn.
- Blood Slave It's the twenty-first century. Who keeps slaves anymore? Other than really, really old vampires...
- Blood Hunter Boytoy for a sexy blond vampire? No way. This cop has a job: find his daughter, hunt rogue vamps...