Welcome to Between The Covers, my monthly blog about erotic romance in the news! My name is Rebecca Gillan. Sometimes I come across stories that look like normal people doing normal people stuff. Sometimes I come across stories that sound like someone tried to re-enact their favorite scene from a romance novel and it didn’t go so well. Once a month, on the first Friday of the month, I share some of these juicy gems. So grab your popcorn and enjoy the ride!
People are odd. Sometimes laws are even more so. This month, I present to you three stories where the subjects let their naughty sides out in public—or claimed to, anyway—and got some unpredicted results thanks to truly odd laws.
First up, we have a woman who was convicted of murdering her boyfriend—though she didn’t actually kill him. The cops did. Apparently in Florida, being an accessory to a crime in which there is loss of life can net you a murder charge even if the only death is your accomplice. Her defense, which failed to convince anyone, was that she could not have been a look-out during the robbery, and thereby involved in the robbery, because she was having phone sex with her boyfriend during the altercation. The first thing that popped into my fertile mind was that that he must have been one very talented guy to hold up a store whilst helping his lady get off. The next thought was that maybe he wasn’t so talented since his supposed efforts didn’t pay out after all. And if he could hold up the place while having phone sex, surely she could have seen the cops coming with all the flashing lights and sirens while doing the same, right?
Next up, we have a guy who was arrested while taking a naked joyride—but not because he was driving naked. That is apparently perfectly legal in Nebraska. He was cited for having an open container in the vehicle, no seat belts in use, and too many people in the cab of his truck. Just where, exactly, did the cop think he should have put the other three naked people? And can you blame them for not using seatbelts? Those things chafe even when you’re wearing the normal allotment of clothing!
People, people, people! There are ways to get your freak on without tangling with the law, I promise! For instance, you could enter an air sex competition. I’m going to let the Wiki page define this one because I don’t think I could explain it better:
Air Sex is a performance activity invented in Japan; clothed men and women simulate sexual activity with an invisible partner, often in an exaggerated manner, set to music, and in a competition before an audience. This is somewhat akin to playing air guitar, explaining the name. The creator, J-Taro Sugisaku, says that it was invented in Tokyo in 2006 by a group of bored men without girlfriends.
Thank you, Japan, for yet another truly unique export. Unlike some of their other unusual exports (I didn’t know you could get an anime “hugging” pillow with guys printed on them), competitive air sex is a pretty good idea. It can appeal to many types of exhibitionist. It’s perfectly safe. It can be done in the security of your own home or in a bar with three hundred of your closest friends. And let’s face it, there really is a lack of legal outlets you can display your skilz and not end up in the slammer with cops sniggering at you. Heck, you can even get your hugging pillow involved!
Last but not least, a palate cleanser. Because the mental image of Larry the Cable Guy’s stunt double entering an air sex competition with his pillow girlfriend really needs to be replaced. Badly. So anyway, here are ten delightful romantic gestures gone wrong. My personal favorite was the Jacuzzi bubble bath story.
With that, I bid you adieu. I am off to see if I can get a Jon Snow/Robb Stark hugging pillow. Hey, it they are going to offer custom pillow cases, why not? So long as I don’t take the thing out for a date, I should be good.
That’s enough silliness for one post, I think. As you head into the holiday season, remember to have a little fun from time to time, but keep it between the covers or you might end up in the police blotter—or on this blog!