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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

GUEST BLOG: SUZANNE ROCK

Top Five Worst Places to get Caught having Sex. Ever.


Hi everyone! Thanks for having me here today. As many of you already know, I'm an erotic romance author. Part of my job is to research new and interesting positions and places to have sex so that I can put them in my stories. Thanks to my research, I've come up with some fabulous ideas, but...

I've also discovered some ideas that have left me scratching my head. So, without further fanfare, here is my list of the top five oddest places people have been caught having sex (with links!)

1) The cockpit of an airplane. Sure we have all heard of the "Mile High Club," and let’s face it, a man in uniform is sexy, but let the pilot drive the plane. I know that there is an autopilot setting, but still. Once you get your legs up on that control panel, anything can happen. To me, this just has “untimely death” written all over it. http://newsdzezimbabwe.wordpress.com/2011/08/13/sex-in-cockpit-pilot-and-flight-attendant-sacked/

2) In Church. Remember that nun in second grade who slapped your fingers with the ruler when you spoke out of turn in class? What do you think she'd do if she caught you having sex in the confession box at church? So don't be like this couple in Italy. http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/06/04/cathedral.sex/index.html Respect the house of God. Your knuckles will thank you for it. :-)
(PS - I love how they are going to have a special ceremony to "purify" the confession box. I'm not sure about you, but I hope that the ceremony involves a bucket of bleach.)

3) At Work. I'm sure a lot of you have tried this, but the risks are just too great. If you get caught, it could spell termination for both you and your coworker/spouse/favorite housecleaning appliance. (You think I’m kidding about the appliance, right? Guess again. http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article868092.ece)

In this economy, no one can afford to lose their jobs. I know, it seems very tempting, especially if you are one of those night-shift people. No one's around; no one will know. Believe me, people will figure it out. Just take the guy in the above example. He gets extra stupidity points for putting his pecker into a vaccum. Ouch! Then again, maybe it wasn't so bad. It was reported that the man "groaned loader than the Hoover." *snicker* I'm just imagining the moment when a coworker walked in on the poor guy. Can you picture it? I mean, what would you SAY?

4) On Train Tracks. If you're a thrill seeker, this may seem like a good idea. It isn't. Just ask this couple: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7629433.stm. Oops, you can't. They're dead. (PS – that must have been some sex that they couldn’t hear a freaking TRAIN barrelling toward them, don’t you think? )

5) Roller Coaster: To me, this sounds like a bad idea all around, but I guess it's popular, because Cosmo has an entry that describes how to get it done. http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/positions/the-erotic-roller-coaster-sex-position. I don’t know, having sex while dropping faster than the speed of light with people screaming all around you isn't sexy, but what do I know?

And a bonus last-minute entry...

Sex in a coffin. No, I’m not joking. Maybe these people think that they are vampires. http://www.chinasmack.com/2011/pictures/couple-caught-having-sex-in-coffin-chinese-netizen-reactions.html.

This couple didn’t do the deed in a coffin, but having sex in a funeral parlor isn’t much better. http://zimbabweonlinepress.com/index.php?news=3702.
I really don’t understand the appeal of the funeral home. What is it that makes these people think ‘I’ve got to have sex NOW?’ I don’t know, if the stink from the embalming chemicals doesn't kill the mood, then the fact that you are having sex around DEAD PEOPLE should.

IMHO, of course.

So there you have it, the oddest places I’ve discovered where people have had sex. How about you? Have you had sex in any odd places? Have you heard of other people having sex in odd places (or with house appliances?) If so, then tell me about it in the comments section. I could use the inspiration. :-)

While you are thinking of your answer, here’s a little bit about my newest release.

Rose is skeptical when Lady Denville hires her to take care of some ghosts in her townhouse. She expects to find a nest of rats or branches scraping against a window. Instead she finds two sexy spirits intent on fulfilling her every sexual desire. They introduce her to a whole new world of pleasure — and a curse that may destroy them all.

Lionel and Jonathan have been trapped in the townhouse for decades, waiting. When Rose walks in, they know that she is the one with the power to save them. The key to their freedom lies within reach, and both men must put aside their differences if they ever hope to break the curse that binds them to the townhouse. As the men set out to seduce Rose and gain their freedom, their sexual desire turns into something more. Now they must be honest with the woman they love, or stay imprisoned in the spirit world forever.

3 comments:

Debby said...

I have never had sex in any of those places and I do not think I ever will. Interesting post
debby236 at gmail dot com

GladysMP said...

You certainly have come up with some strange places to have sex. Here I thought it was strange when I read in the paper about folks having sex in a park in the middle of town.

Happy New Year!

VampedChik said...

Ha I can definitely say that I haven't had sex in any of those places. Hm... i think the most unusual place that I've heard was a friends friend had sex in the stair case of her apartment building. Thanks for sharing!
-Amber
goodblinknpark@yahoo.com