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Thursday, October 25, 2012



Five Tips for Writing a Steamy Sex Scene

Someone once told me that sex is between the eyes not the thighs, meaning that sex is more mental than physical. This couldn’t be truer, and it’s a concept I always keep in the forefront of my mind when I write a sex scene.

Of course the mechanics of the sex are important too. You don’t want your hero and heroine engaging in a standing 69 while riding on a train. They’d have to be acrobatic porn stars to pull that off. And well, that’s just not believable.

So, how do you write a believable, I-need-to-go-take-a-cold-shower sex scene? The answer is different for everyone, but below are my 5 tips to writing a super steamy sex scene.

1. Get the mechanics worked out. Namely, what position, what type of sex act (intercourse, oral, anal, etc.), and who’s on top.

2. Determine the setting and use it! Use furniture, walls, props, etc., within the setting to amp up the hotness level. Beds are boring. Let your characters get it on in the shower, on a balcony, the kitchen table, a bean bag chair, or a swing set. Don’t be afraid to get creative. Just make sure it’s believable.

3. Determine POV. If you’re writing in first person then it’s obvious whose POV you’re in, but if you’re writing in third person it becomes more difficult. For me anyway. Usually I show the scene from the POV of the person who is not initiating the sex. I do this because it allows for more reactions and internal thoughts. (Remember, between the eyes not the thighs!)And I always alternate. If the first scene is in the hero’s POV then the next one will be in the heroine’s.

4. For every action there must be a reaction. During sex we want to be in somebody’s head, not watching from the sidelines. (If you want to watch people have sex, go rent a porno.) So, let’s say we’re in the heroine’s POV. Each time the hero touches her or whispers something in her ear, she should be physically, mentally, and emotionally reacting to it. Does she arch into him because it feels good? Or does she flinch away because it hurt? Is she thinking, “Oh my this guy is a sexual god” or “Holy crap, this guy is a freak!”?

5. Finally, and this is probably the most important step…what did the sex accomplish? Sex for the sake of sex is a big no-no! After every sexual encounter the hero/heroine should come out of it with a new understanding of themselves or the other person. Above all else, believability is key. If you’re unsure if something is physically possible, try it and find out. ;)

In my book, Love by Number, I utilize all five of these tips to create some steamy sex. Here’s a little taste: (The hero is sitting on a kitchen table chair and the heroine is straddling him. This is their first sexual encounter--near the end.)

I reached down and rubbed her clit. “You feel so damn good, Ash.”

She fucked me harder, and I gritted my teeth in an attempt to stop from coming. I didn’t think it was possible for her to get any tighter, but moments later, she did. “Ryan, yes, oh, God, yes. Ryan. More.”

“That’s right,” I breathed. “Come for me, baby.” I wasn’t a selfish lover, but the quicker she came, the quicker I could come, and right now that’s all I wanted. Next time I’d be sure to tend to her needs more. She ground her pussy down on my cock, and I rubbed her clit a little faster.

Ashleigh buried her face in my neck and dug her nails into my shoulders as she came. Thank fucking God. I held her around the waist and thrust into her hard and fast until I came. It didn’t take long.

We stayed like that for several moments as we tried to catch our breaths. I showered her neck with kisses, and she played with the back of my neck. I realized I wanted her again. Right now. That had never happened before. The chair creaked as I leaned forward, and then the legs snapped and we crashed to the floor.

Love by Number is available from the publisher’s website,, Amazon, and All Romance Books.

Or you can win a FREE copy (ebook format only) by doing the following:

1. Like my Facebook author page: OR Become a fan/follower of my blog:

2. Leave a comment here answering the following question: “What is your all-time favorite sex scene?” Don’t forget to leave your email address!

Ashleigh Malone had her heart ripped out by a man--a man who stole her money, left her in debt, slept with her best friend, and destroyed her ability to trust. She throws herself into her job and swears off all men.

Ryan Blake is stuck spending several months at his father’s resort-- the Aurora Island Resort--trying to figure out whose stealing money. His father is convinced it’s the resort manager, Ashleigh. Ryan is determined to prove otherwise. There’s only one problem though: his judgment is clouded by his need to have Ashleigh in his bed.

About the Author:
Born and raised in the small town of Mexico, New York, Kara was an only child who was forced to find ways to entertain herself. Playing make believe with her Barbie dolls and stuffed animals was her first real taste of storytelling before she became old enough to develop a love affair with the written word.

In early 2010, Kara picked up her very first erotic romance novel, and she was instantly hooked. She loves to write contemporary romance, erotica, and young adult romance. Currently she has several full-length novels in the works, a series of novellas, and a handful of short stories. Kara is an active member of the CNY Creative Writers Café and the CNY Romance Writers.

Today, Kara resides in New Haven, New York with her husband, five kids, and three cats. When she’s not reading or writing, she’s thinking about reading and writing. And when she’s not doing that, she’s spending time with her family and friends.

Find Kara online at


LJT said...

It is difficult to narrow it down to one scene beacause there are so many that make my toes curl. However, the scenes from Sylvia Day's "Bared To You" are among my favorites.

Debby said...

Great tips. I may try to write a scene.
debby236 at gmail dot com

Kara Leigh Miller said...

@ LJT - I've never read anything of Slyvia Day's, but I'm going to check them out now.

@ Debby - I'm glad you found my tips helpful and good luck writing your own scene =)

*yadkny* said...

I just read quite a few of my now favorite sex scenes from On Dublin Street by Samantha Young:)

*GFC Follower on your blog: *yadkny*